There are ghosts everywhere Boys on swings Girls on trampolines Men sitting outside the local cocktail bar A woman cycling a bike Looking like Someone I used to know A butterfly in the belly You’re primed to talk Get ready to walk over to her And ask her how the days are And the nights…
Angry face
I’ve just come back from Charlie’s room. He was moaning. Not quite crying, but wailing as if in pain. I couldn’t get through to him. I tried to comfort him in his bed. His moans became louder. I lifted him out of his bed. I didn’t worry that he would wake his brother, I just…
Miko bear
My littlest sometimes doesn’t get a look in. His older brother, Charlie, is loud, demanding, attention-grabbing. Even when you try and ignore him so you can focus on Miko, Charlie will do something like actually fall over and genuinely hurt himself, so you have to go to him. But at the moment I feel very…
Refuge
(Typed on my phone on 30 May 2017.) I’m sitting in our bedroom, in the chair in the corner behind the wardrobe. The door is closed. I’m halfway through my second mini bag of Haribos. Things I am trying to escape from: A 3-year-old leaping all over me, starting every sentence with “I want”, and…
Home office
Let me paint you a picture. A picture of parenting. Of working from home. Of being a mum. Of never living such a full life. Of being utterly lost. As I work at my computer, this is what I see. I’m sitting at what used to be the dining room table. Now, it’s a smorgasbord…
What do they matter?
Written in my head while cycling a bike through Alexanderplatz. I was thinking of incompetent men rattling nuclear weapons. And what if all of us busy, busy people, with our important thoughts and worries and missions were suddenly put on pause. All those worries About size And money And status And talent And worth And…
Why I don’t cry
I don’t cry because it’s ok Because you’re still here Your face is everywhere Your voice is on my phone Your bike is under my feet Your ukulele in my hands Your laugh in my eyes I don’t cry because you didn’t go I don’t cry because we’re on hold Things happened that stopped the…
Silverfish in the bedroom
Silverfish. Doesn’t that sound like a lovely thing? A fish, that’s silver. Sweet and magical. I just found one in Charlie’s bedroom. An other worldly, long, unnaturally flat, fast-scuttling creature with some kind of pointy thing at the end. I got it with the mop I was using to kill the mosquitos that are currently…
If I start a blog
If I start a blog, I’ll write. If I write, I’ll feel like I’m doing something. If I feel like I’m doing something, I’ll feel better. If I feel better, I’ll be able to write more. If I write more, I’ll get better at writing. If I get better at writing, people will be moved by what I’m writing. If people are moved by my writing, I’ll feel better. I don’t know why I need to feel better.
Broken strings and other things 